I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
