Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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