I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Enjoy the penises
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
