On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think my vagina is haunted
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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