she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
