I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
