i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
