Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
