I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
