you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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