So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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