yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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