ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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