Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
