I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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