it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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