Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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