Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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