3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
