turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
