no, he came in my armpit
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
