I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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