Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't deserve a penis
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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