hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
