im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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