STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
