so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Actions speak louder than pants.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
