do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
