Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
