I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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