Already got asked if we're dating
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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