life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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