Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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