I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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