He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
