look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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