I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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