Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
