I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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