Jerry, you need to find god
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
