I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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