$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Even my vagina gasped.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
