I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
