i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
