people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
