Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize