my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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