I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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