You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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