I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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