This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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