you mean i was at the winter classic?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
