i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
