I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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