Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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