I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
