no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
