What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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