: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize