Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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