I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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