Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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