Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
