We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
