If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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