things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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