Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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