is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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