Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
