Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
