yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
