Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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