My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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