Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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