If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
