you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Who died my cat blue again?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
