Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
