who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
