Moan for me like Helen Keller
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
