So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
