im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize