I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
