Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
