Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
