we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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