don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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